Another day, another lesson. (I guess)

Today I helped carry a heavy package over to FedEx. For a healthy person that wouldn't be even remotely difficult but that is not the case for this Lymie. After taking the package my whole body trembled from the effort of straining my muscles and my left arm felt (and still feels) like fire or crushed glass is running through my veins. The muscles feel like their being crushed. They are weak and painful and feel as though a body builder decided to their entire weight on that arm. I know I won't have much use of it for the rest of the day. I also had a POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) flare up. My heart raced, my body got even weaker, and my face flushed.

I feel so disappointed in myself and like such a failure for not being able to do a simple task. I cried a bit afterword. I keep thinking of the jobs I can't get and the fun things I cannot do. I am trying to be patient and endure this valiantly but I am honestly getting really fed up with it all. I just want my old life back. I have learned a lot of great lessons since getting ill and feel like I have gained a bit of wisdom, but how much more do I have to take? I guess I'll find out. I do think I can come out victorious but I stubbornly want that day to come quickly. This stupid disease needs to know that I definitely will not easily give up. Go suck a lemon Lyme disease.

No more

I did my first intense Lyme detox bath and almost went unconscious in the bathtub. I didn't even get a full 20 mins; I got about 13 minutes. Thank goodness for William though. My heart rate was really high, I was incredibly exhausted, dizzy, and only saw black and white spots. I am out now but still recovering. My limbs feel like they are burning, they're tingling, and I have a creepy crawly sensation on my skin. I really hope they get easier from here because I don't know if I can bear another. Here's to a valiant effort. (?)